Post by the_who on Dec 14, 2008 2:24:51 GMT -5
(YAY! SUGAR FIC! WOOT! I'm actually experimenting with drawing Red and Purple human-style - they're so cute! Well... Red isn't 'cute' persay... but he's attractive. Quite simple in dress, though. Hehe... ISIAMS. Get it? Is I ams. A phrase that you can only come up with by using it.)
A snowman, of who we are all familiar with, sat in a rocking chair next to a fireplace, looking down upon squishy happy kiddies.
"Oh wise snowman, tell us another story of the past! PWWEEEAASEE!?" a child squeaked, her voice like chalk screeching on a blackboard. Oh, how adorable it was with its wiggling little stubby legs, its grin taking up seventy-five percent of its face, a big pink tongue dripping saliva to the floor.
The snowman stroked its chin. "Hm... well... well... weeeeeeellll... well, once a long time ago, their were two leaders of a creepy societ- I mean, amazing society, dubbed the Irkens. And there was a point in which they had two leaders - one named Red, and the other Purple.... There came a time that, for reasons never quite fully explained, they decided to take a vacation...."
___
"Hey Red?"
"Yeah, Pur?"
Purple, laying on his stomach on the floor, watched television with a bored expression. His co-Tallest, who laid on his back beside him, flipped through a magazine... a rusted, ancient, illegal magazine full of suggestive images of Irken women. "This is boring."
Red clicked his tongue, turning the page. "I don't know, I think it's pretty exciting." he said with a grin, pulling the page closer to him.
"You're such a pervert." Purple groaned, plucking the magazine from his fingers, which twitched. Crimson eyes glared up into lavender.
"Hey! That's a priceless historical artifact! Give it back!" he snapped, attempting to grab it, but with little success. He grunted. "PURPLE!"
"Nope." Purple said, and flipped through the book, and sniggered. "Hey, I don't think all of these are chicks...."
"Are too!"
"Nuh-huh!"
"Oh, how can you even tell? Huh? HUH!?"
"Well, duh. Antennas, eyelashes, lips, facial features, hands.... Red, you're going to rot your brains on this." Purple flung the magazine over his shoulder, and Red made to scramble after it. "Actually, I think you already have." Purple noted.
"My brains are just fine." Red snickered as he pulled his treasure possesively to his chest. "It's you we have to worry about. Honestly, Pur, those shows are pathetic!" He pointed to the screen, where two aliens ran into a candy shop talking some gibberish.
"I know that - that's why I'm bored." Purple said, flopping back unto the floor with a sigh. He crossed his legs at the ankles and stretched. "I need to find some decent TV." he mumbled, smacking his lips lazily.
"If you were more literate, you wouldn't need TV." Red scoffed, opening his magazine.
"You call that literate?"
"Hey, it takes work to read all the captions!" Purple rolled his eyes, and Red huffed.
"Let's get out, Red. Let's go find a planet to longue on with some decent TV. Just you and me, like we used to before we became Tallests."
"We never went for TV. We went because you like to shop." Red snorted, shaking his head. He cringed, though. "We won't be shopping... will we?" he grimaced. "And what about the Empire."
"Well." Purple sat up, cracking his back, and crisscrossed his legs. "Maybe a little shopping... but nothing big. It'd look suspicious if we came back to the ship with a bunch of alien clothes. And... hm... we should get my neice to rule the empire while we're gone."
"Purple, you don't have a neice." Red said blankly, and Purple frowned.
"I can pretend she's my neice." he grumbled, sticking his lack-of-nose into the air, eyes partially closed. "And she'd make a great Tallest! She could pretend to be us!"
"Uh... what?"
"She's really good with disguises!"
"She can't pretend to be both of us at the same time."
"But if she used a monitor, and claimed that we had a lot of paperwork, she could. She could stay in our room. And she looks sort of like me... except a lot shorter... and feminime... and mean...." he trailed off, but shook his head. "No, she could fix that with her disguise...."
"Wait... who are we rambling about?" Red asked, completely confused at this point - Purple never did make much sense with his suggestions.
"Tak! Duh." Purple said huffily, and Red's mouth went a bit ajar as Purple continued on with his babbling.
"Wait, what? You mean the chick we sent off to get rid of Zim?" His antennas twitched. "We don't even know where she is! Plus, I think she's a bit crazy...."
"Huh? Oh, she's been floating in space for a while. We could send out a small fleet to retrieve her, and bring her back here. Then, let her have her rant before I sweet-talk her into doing the job." Purple said, rubbing his hands together eagerly. It seemed like it had been an eternity since he and Red had gone anywhere.
"Ugh... whatever, Pur." Red said, reclining, shaking his head as he opened his magazine, spacing out as Purple continued to babble on.
____
"And then what happened?" a bouncing smeet asked, his cheeks so chubby they could have fallen from his face like two ripe fruits. The snowman chuckled.
"Well, Purple did just as he said he would. His complex plan was set in motion, and Tak even agreed to help under the agreement that she'd get a promotion later on."
Two squishy little worm-babies grinned at eachother, and bobbed up and down in excitement as the snowman continued his tale.
____
"Pur, you about ready?" Red asked, annoyed, leaning in the doorframe between the kitchen and the main room. He wore a simple black pair of pants and a drooping gray shirt - nothing that would make him look too recognizable if they happened to run into other people. His scarlet eyes roamed the room.
"Just a minute!" Purple yelled from another room.
Another Purple sat on the couch, but this one had a strange head-set clasped to their head, and looked much colder than usual. "Does he always take this long?" she asked in a British accent.
"Are you always this impatient?"
"The sooner you're away from me, the better."
"Yeah, well I'm not exactly 'fond' of you, either. You rat us out, and you'll be executed on the spot." Red snapped feistily. He despised Tak - she held nearly no regard to his status, and seemed perhaps a bit too eager to accept the role. He crossed his arms over his chest. "Hurry up, Pur! The scent of your... eh... 'neice' is going to make me hurl!" He stuck his tongue out at Tak, who snarled at him.
"Oh, you're so full of dignity, my Tallest. Really, you are." she said sarcastically.
"Oh shut it."
Purple finally burst from the room, a grin stretching across his face. Red winced - his co-Tallest wore black leggings and a long gray shirt that dipped down to his knees. "Ready!" he yipped giddily, and stretched his arm, tapping his PAK. "Everything's ready to go!"
"Pur, you look...."
"He looks like every other Irken more lowly than you and the Elite, my Tallest. He looks like a commoner - unlike you." Tak said, rolling her eyes. Red's narrowed.
"Will you just be quiet and do your job?" he yelled, frustrated. He looked down at himself - he thought he looked normal. "Hey, shouldn't I look Elite, considering height and all?"
"There's a frycook in Foodcourtia who may well be taller than you, and he's not Elite. But then again, he's ugly. Then again, you are too." Tak insulted. Red's face flushed.
"Red's not ugly!" Purple in Red's defense, frowning. "Lots of people think he's hot!" Red shook his head, and left the room, no longer even interested in the conversation, as it had dropped to ridiculous levels of stupidity.
"Yeah, if you like slanted eyes."
"You've got slanted eyes!"
"But he's got those weird high cheek bones! And that horrible rapist grin! Oh, that grin! And his antennas are stupid and military straight, like he's been walking in an unwavering line since the day he was hatched. And the way the back of his head sticks out. It's just stupid!" Tak ranted, pulling on her false antennas to emphasize the point, which were short but thick and slightly curled at the tip, in replica of Purple's.
"It's called exotic. And lots of people like it. Not my problem you don't." Purple said snobbishly.
"Exotic-shmotic." Tak droned, picking up a pen and dragging it through the air. "Mother Miyuki, you sound like you have a crush on him or something."
"Crush my ass! I-"
"Purple, are we going or not?" Red snapped, re-entering the room, two clips on his antennas giving a buzz of music of some sort - another illegal historical artifact.
"Yeah, Red."
"What was that?" Red asked.
Purple plucked a clip off one antenna. "I said yes! For Miyuki's sake, will you stop rotting your brains!?" He shoved the clip back on. Tak gave Red a strange look, and Red, noticing it, shrugged, and followed behind Purple.
____
"Mr. Snowman, you said a bad word!" one of the squishy humanoid drool-babies said, pooting delightfully.
"Oh so I did. Well, children, I suggest you pull out your automatic oral-word censors." He said, and the children, bouncing, put on ear-muffs in the shapes of various zoo animals. "Now then, where was I? Oh yes... so the Tallests set out on their trip, taking with them only one other Irken by the name of Spleet - an Irken astronomer, although he would have rather been a robotologist - who was proven to be both loyal and well-versed in space. Purple followed the trail of television broadcasts for their vacation spot. To Red's discontent, it took nearly six months to reach their final destination. Or it would have, had they not spiralled through a traumotizing wormhole that, while twisting their organs and bringing horrible, agonizing pain, quickened their trips by five and a half months."
____
Purple was first to groan into existance, dizzily looking about, his eyes blinking groggily. Never again. No more wormholes - ever. He rubbed his head, whimpering as he did so. For nearly thirty minutes, he listened to another shifting, another set of utterances, and that strange buzzing and blipping in the background. He registered none of it. He yelped as he felt something collide cruelly with the side of his head.
"YOU IDIOT!" Red yelled, his hands wringing Purple around the neck, shaking him violently.
"I'm sorry!" Purple begged dizzily, feeling as if he would puke.
"WORMHOLE!? WHY THE HELL DID YOU TAKE US - WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!?"
"I said I was-"
"My Tallest, please calm down." Spleet said dizzily, sitting up, "It was only a wormhole."
"WHAT IF IT HAD CLOSED WHEN-"
Spleet's violet eyes blinked groggily, and he rubbed them. "Well, then we would have been doomed."
"THIS IS YOUR FAULT!"
"No, I only take orders from my Tallest. So, it's still his fault." Spleet said hurriedly, and looked away from the fight, shaking his head. They were ridiculous. He looked down at the device the lavender Tallest had been carrying with him the entire time. "Um, sir? This thing is blipping like crazy. What should-"
"TV!" Purple said giddily, managing to worm away from Red and clasp the small item. He danced happily. "There's a planet with TV nearby! Yes! Oh yes, and there's a lot of it! More than I've ever seen! Ever! Quickly, Spleet, what is this place? Where is it?" he asked, running to the window, looking out. A small solar system twinkled before them.
"Um... some place called... Earth."
A snowman, of who we are all familiar with, sat in a rocking chair next to a fireplace, looking down upon squishy happy kiddies.
"Oh wise snowman, tell us another story of the past! PWWEEEAASEE!?" a child squeaked, her voice like chalk screeching on a blackboard. Oh, how adorable it was with its wiggling little stubby legs, its grin taking up seventy-five percent of its face, a big pink tongue dripping saliva to the floor.
The snowman stroked its chin. "Hm... well... well... weeeeeeellll... well, once a long time ago, their were two leaders of a creepy societ- I mean, amazing society, dubbed the Irkens. And there was a point in which they had two leaders - one named Red, and the other Purple.... There came a time that, for reasons never quite fully explained, they decided to take a vacation...."
___
"Hey Red?"
"Yeah, Pur?"
Purple, laying on his stomach on the floor, watched television with a bored expression. His co-Tallest, who laid on his back beside him, flipped through a magazine... a rusted, ancient, illegal magazine full of suggestive images of Irken women. "This is boring."
Red clicked his tongue, turning the page. "I don't know, I think it's pretty exciting." he said with a grin, pulling the page closer to him.
"You're such a pervert." Purple groaned, plucking the magazine from his fingers, which twitched. Crimson eyes glared up into lavender.
"Hey! That's a priceless historical artifact! Give it back!" he snapped, attempting to grab it, but with little success. He grunted. "PURPLE!"
"Nope." Purple said, and flipped through the book, and sniggered. "Hey, I don't think all of these are chicks...."
"Are too!"
"Nuh-huh!"
"Oh, how can you even tell? Huh? HUH!?"
"Well, duh. Antennas, eyelashes, lips, facial features, hands.... Red, you're going to rot your brains on this." Purple flung the magazine over his shoulder, and Red made to scramble after it. "Actually, I think you already have." Purple noted.
"My brains are just fine." Red snickered as he pulled his treasure possesively to his chest. "It's you we have to worry about. Honestly, Pur, those shows are pathetic!" He pointed to the screen, where two aliens ran into a candy shop talking some gibberish.
"I know that - that's why I'm bored." Purple said, flopping back unto the floor with a sigh. He crossed his legs at the ankles and stretched. "I need to find some decent TV." he mumbled, smacking his lips lazily.
"If you were more literate, you wouldn't need TV." Red scoffed, opening his magazine.
"You call that literate?"
"Hey, it takes work to read all the captions!" Purple rolled his eyes, and Red huffed.
"Let's get out, Red. Let's go find a planet to longue on with some decent TV. Just you and me, like we used to before we became Tallests."
"We never went for TV. We went because you like to shop." Red snorted, shaking his head. He cringed, though. "We won't be shopping... will we?" he grimaced. "And what about the Empire."
"Well." Purple sat up, cracking his back, and crisscrossed his legs. "Maybe a little shopping... but nothing big. It'd look suspicious if we came back to the ship with a bunch of alien clothes. And... hm... we should get my neice to rule the empire while we're gone."
"Purple, you don't have a neice." Red said blankly, and Purple frowned.
"I can pretend she's my neice." he grumbled, sticking his lack-of-nose into the air, eyes partially closed. "And she'd make a great Tallest! She could pretend to be us!"
"Uh... what?"
"She's really good with disguises!"
"She can't pretend to be both of us at the same time."
"But if she used a monitor, and claimed that we had a lot of paperwork, she could. She could stay in our room. And she looks sort of like me... except a lot shorter... and feminime... and mean...." he trailed off, but shook his head. "No, she could fix that with her disguise...."
"Wait... who are we rambling about?" Red asked, completely confused at this point - Purple never did make much sense with his suggestions.
"Tak! Duh." Purple said huffily, and Red's mouth went a bit ajar as Purple continued on with his babbling.
"Wait, what? You mean the chick we sent off to get rid of Zim?" His antennas twitched. "We don't even know where she is! Plus, I think she's a bit crazy...."
"Huh? Oh, she's been floating in space for a while. We could send out a small fleet to retrieve her, and bring her back here. Then, let her have her rant before I sweet-talk her into doing the job." Purple said, rubbing his hands together eagerly. It seemed like it had been an eternity since he and Red had gone anywhere.
"Ugh... whatever, Pur." Red said, reclining, shaking his head as he opened his magazine, spacing out as Purple continued to babble on.
____
"And then what happened?" a bouncing smeet asked, his cheeks so chubby they could have fallen from his face like two ripe fruits. The snowman chuckled.
"Well, Purple did just as he said he would. His complex plan was set in motion, and Tak even agreed to help under the agreement that she'd get a promotion later on."
Two squishy little worm-babies grinned at eachother, and bobbed up and down in excitement as the snowman continued his tale.
____
"Pur, you about ready?" Red asked, annoyed, leaning in the doorframe between the kitchen and the main room. He wore a simple black pair of pants and a drooping gray shirt - nothing that would make him look too recognizable if they happened to run into other people. His scarlet eyes roamed the room.
"Just a minute!" Purple yelled from another room.
Another Purple sat on the couch, but this one had a strange head-set clasped to their head, and looked much colder than usual. "Does he always take this long?" she asked in a British accent.
"Are you always this impatient?"
"The sooner you're away from me, the better."
"Yeah, well I'm not exactly 'fond' of you, either. You rat us out, and you'll be executed on the spot." Red snapped feistily. He despised Tak - she held nearly no regard to his status, and seemed perhaps a bit too eager to accept the role. He crossed his arms over his chest. "Hurry up, Pur! The scent of your... eh... 'neice' is going to make me hurl!" He stuck his tongue out at Tak, who snarled at him.
"Oh, you're so full of dignity, my Tallest. Really, you are." she said sarcastically.
"Oh shut it."
Purple finally burst from the room, a grin stretching across his face. Red winced - his co-Tallest wore black leggings and a long gray shirt that dipped down to his knees. "Ready!" he yipped giddily, and stretched his arm, tapping his PAK. "Everything's ready to go!"
"Pur, you look...."
"He looks like every other Irken more lowly than you and the Elite, my Tallest. He looks like a commoner - unlike you." Tak said, rolling her eyes. Red's narrowed.
"Will you just be quiet and do your job?" he yelled, frustrated. He looked down at himself - he thought he looked normal. "Hey, shouldn't I look Elite, considering height and all?"
"There's a frycook in Foodcourtia who may well be taller than you, and he's not Elite. But then again, he's ugly. Then again, you are too." Tak insulted. Red's face flushed.
"Red's not ugly!" Purple in Red's defense, frowning. "Lots of people think he's hot!" Red shook his head, and left the room, no longer even interested in the conversation, as it had dropped to ridiculous levels of stupidity.
"Yeah, if you like slanted eyes."
"You've got slanted eyes!"
"But he's got those weird high cheek bones! And that horrible rapist grin! Oh, that grin! And his antennas are stupid and military straight, like he's been walking in an unwavering line since the day he was hatched. And the way the back of his head sticks out. It's just stupid!" Tak ranted, pulling on her false antennas to emphasize the point, which were short but thick and slightly curled at the tip, in replica of Purple's.
"It's called exotic. And lots of people like it. Not my problem you don't." Purple said snobbishly.
"Exotic-shmotic." Tak droned, picking up a pen and dragging it through the air. "Mother Miyuki, you sound like you have a crush on him or something."
"Crush my ass! I-"
"Purple, are we going or not?" Red snapped, re-entering the room, two clips on his antennas giving a buzz of music of some sort - another illegal historical artifact.
"Yeah, Red."
"What was that?" Red asked.
Purple plucked a clip off one antenna. "I said yes! For Miyuki's sake, will you stop rotting your brains!?" He shoved the clip back on. Tak gave Red a strange look, and Red, noticing it, shrugged, and followed behind Purple.
____
"Mr. Snowman, you said a bad word!" one of the squishy humanoid drool-babies said, pooting delightfully.
"Oh so I did. Well, children, I suggest you pull out your automatic oral-word censors." He said, and the children, bouncing, put on ear-muffs in the shapes of various zoo animals. "Now then, where was I? Oh yes... so the Tallests set out on their trip, taking with them only one other Irken by the name of Spleet - an Irken astronomer, although he would have rather been a robotologist - who was proven to be both loyal and well-versed in space. Purple followed the trail of television broadcasts for their vacation spot. To Red's discontent, it took nearly six months to reach their final destination. Or it would have, had they not spiralled through a traumotizing wormhole that, while twisting their organs and bringing horrible, agonizing pain, quickened their trips by five and a half months."
____
Purple was first to groan into existance, dizzily looking about, his eyes blinking groggily. Never again. No more wormholes - ever. He rubbed his head, whimpering as he did so. For nearly thirty minutes, he listened to another shifting, another set of utterances, and that strange buzzing and blipping in the background. He registered none of it. He yelped as he felt something collide cruelly with the side of his head.
"YOU IDIOT!" Red yelled, his hands wringing Purple around the neck, shaking him violently.
"I'm sorry!" Purple begged dizzily, feeling as if he would puke.
"WORMHOLE!? WHY THE HELL DID YOU TAKE US - WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!?"
"I said I was-"
"My Tallest, please calm down." Spleet said dizzily, sitting up, "It was only a wormhole."
"WHAT IF IT HAD CLOSED WHEN-"
Spleet's violet eyes blinked groggily, and he rubbed them. "Well, then we would have been doomed."
"THIS IS YOUR FAULT!"
"No, I only take orders from my Tallest. So, it's still his fault." Spleet said hurriedly, and looked away from the fight, shaking his head. They were ridiculous. He looked down at the device the lavender Tallest had been carrying with him the entire time. "Um, sir? This thing is blipping like crazy. What should-"
"TV!" Purple said giddily, managing to worm away from Red and clasp the small item. He danced happily. "There's a planet with TV nearby! Yes! Oh yes, and there's a lot of it! More than I've ever seen! Ever! Quickly, Spleet, what is this place? Where is it?" he asked, running to the window, looking out. A small solar system twinkled before them.
"Um... some place called... Earth."